First of all, let me address the elephant in the room – I am not a fan of this current trend in horror wherein we’re naming reboots the exact same title as the original film in which they’re following up. Had they simply called it Scream 5, it wouldn’t have looked like I was slamming Scream (1996) after seeing Scream (2022). Hell, I was even annoyed when Halloween (2018) did it, which undoubtedly set the standard for this thoughtlessness. Furthermore, Halloween (2018) also kicked off a formula with these reboots that we’ve seen now for a third time in Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) – the final girl from the initial film waits over four decades to enact revenge against the masked psychopath that slaughtered all her friends.

Knowing Sally returns for revenge against Leatherface was the only bit of information I’d known going into this, so I had anticipated it’d be the focus of the story. I couldn’t have been more wrong. As was the case with Scream (2022), the legacy character herein is more anecdotal than anything. Forgive the pun, but the meat of Texas Chainsaw Massacre‘s story is a group of annoying ass influencers that bought a ghost town in rural Texas in efforts to form some sort of culty commune for social media attention. Unfortunately for this group of internet celebrities, the town they purchased has been housing Leatherface and his mother over the years. If that wasn’t enough to kick up some shit, they immediately attempt to evict the dangerous duo and shit naturally goes south.

We all know these kinds of folks, so y’all shouldn’t be surprised by how unbearable the group of young adults actually are. Full on grating dialogue from the get-go, which I welcomed with open arms because to a seasoned horror fan that means one thing, and one thing only – top-tier kill fodder, baby! So, we have characters we dislike; We have a masked psychopath wielding a chainsaw and various other weapons (who is also surprisingly spry for his age, like what??? Is this John Wick meets Ed Gein???); And we’ve got a confined space full of dilapidated buildings. What do you get when you combine the three? You get a bonafide slasher fest, thankfully chock-full of grisly gore and memorable kills. I won’t delve into spoiler territory, but there is one scene that takes place on a bus that especially stands out. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) likely boasts the highest kill-count in the entire franchise, and is undoubtedly the goriest of them all – a feat that could’ve been earned solely by that aforementioned bus scene.

If I haven’t been entirely clear about my feelings toward this film, let it be known that I’m in the small camp of folks that actually dug it. Sure, the dialogue was stupid at times, but I wasn’t expecting Shakespeare! Also, annoying ass characters isn’t a new thing in Texas Chainsaw flicks – y’all remember Franklin in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), yeah? There are also some issues with realism, though I tend to not harp on horror flicks that bend the rules of reality too harshly given that they are fictitious exploits which is why they are fun in the first place. Honestly, I’m not really sure why this hasn’t really landed for more horror hounds. It was fun, it was gory, it was stupid – junk food for the brain! Perhaps we’ve dived so deep into the pool of elevated horror that we expect every single new thing to be full of pretension and deeper meaning. To that, I say this is a fucking Texas Chainsaw movie! Buzz off, and let us trash heathens enjoy our schlocky horror in peace!