I’ve never been to prison, but in a way Canadian winters have always felt like one to me. I know I have a lot of readers down south, so allow me to lay it out for you – Snowdrifts towering over my 5’3” stature; Temperatures reaching as low as -30 Celsius (-22 Fahrenheit). Y’all wanna know why Canadians are such heavy drinkers? Because that is literally the only thing we can do in such abysmal conditions. That being said, choosing a theme to cover with the arrival of November was fairly easy — WOMEN IN PRISON!

I’m a stupid bitch and refuse to save the best for last, so I figured I’d kick this off with the best of the best — Chained Heat (1983). I’ve been hunting for this title for what feels like aeons. I knew it was a WIP flick starring both Linda Blair and my beloved bad bitch, Sybil Danning, so I knew it had to be good. It goes without saying that I wasn’t disappointed, however I hadn’t fully been expecting the extreme level of violence that was bestowed upon me.

The premise of Chained Heat is simple — Carol (Linda Blair) is a jail “virgin”. She ends up incarcerated for the first time after accidentally murdering a man with her vehicle. As y’all can likely imagine, the women’s prison she ends up residing in is fraught with hostility. Racial tensions, rapes, human trafficking… it is all to be found within the confines of these prison walls. After establishing a close bond with fellow inmate Val (Sharon Hughes), Carol becomes aware of the horrifying corruption ever-present amongst the malicious prison guards and shit goes south, real quickly.

As aforementioned, this baby is VIOLENT. Think Bad Boys (1983) but with more throat mutilation and prolonged rape scenes that make the one in The Last House on the Left (1972) look like child’s play. I won’t lie, these scenes were extremely difficult to watch and won’t be for everyone, but man does it ignite a deep-seated desire for vengeance in the viewer.

As far as the union of Blair and Danning, I really couldn’t lap that shit up hard enough. Danning is an insatiable, tough bitch-goddess, and the childlike innocence that envelops the likes of Blair provide a beautiful juxtaposition that cannot be matched. I loved watching these ladies join forces to beat down a greater evil, it was beyond satisfying and made for a remarkably memorable viewing experience.

In summation, this is an underrated gem of an action flick that deserves to be heralded as one of the best. For those of y’all like me that love video violence, Chained Heat pushes it to the extremes and shows how tough and badass women truly are.