I was watching Showgirls a couple of nights ago. Like everything else I adore, I inevitably end up completely submerging myself in it. I started binging podcasts discussing the film. I always forget how much people hate this movie, and it straight up disgusts me like nothing else on this godforsaken planet. I just don’t understand it at all, I mean… How can such an exceedingly large portion of self-proclaimed cinephiles feel like they deserve that title while ragging on one of the best films ever made? Yeah, I said it, and if you’re rolling your eyes at me for that then keep reading because this article is meant for you.

I’m going to go through this one common complaint at a time. Y’all might want to take a seat, ’cause you’re about to be served a hefty dose of logic. Here we go –

• “Nomi Malone has a shitty attitude. Women like that don’t exist, there is no way someone could be that aggressive unprovoked.” Yeah, she has a shitty attitude right from the beginning. If y’all stick through ’til the end, you’ll see why. As far as claiming that this kind of woman doesn’t exist, that there is no way someone can be this aggressive – Hello, allow me to introduce myself and several other women in my life. I can personally attest to a garbage heap of annoying instances I’ve had with the opposite sex, jading me in the process, and unlike Nomi, I am not a former prostitute with a terribly sad history of familicide. I once saw a bag of garbage spewing boiling, putrid juices in the hot Californian sun — It made me think of the men Nomi Malone has dealt with. So yeah, she isn’t too fond, and why would she be? Which leads me to my next point…
  
• “Showgirls is insulting to women! It depicts them as objects!” Bitch, allow me to introduce you to the entire point of this film because clearly it flew over your head. This movie is actually about female empowerment, just because you see a million tits doesn’t discredit that. Honestly, y’all need to find Paul Verhoeven and shake his hand for predating the #MeToo movement and calling the entertainment industry right the fuck out. You got higher ups here literally protecting rapists for the sake of making a dollar, and who ends up levelling the playing field? Nomi Malone. She kicks the shit out of the dude, and she is a woman. I mean, come on.

• “It is just so trashy.” Firstly, why the hell is this a bad thing? Secondly, need I remind you that this film takes place in Las Vegas, which is literally commonly known as Sin City? I’m not sure I totally understand folks that approach a film about sex work and not expect even a slight bit of seediness, it comes with the territory. I have no issue calling it trashy either, if meant in a positive context. Honestly, that is what I love about this film – It IS dirty, and I don’t think it would’ve worked any other way.
  
• “It is just stupid and pointless.” Oh my god, okay. This movie is actually so fucking smart. If y’all can’t pick up on the fact that Nomi was literally en route to becoming the next Cristal Connors, meaning a super awful, petty, self-invested bitch but was saved by her own strength then I can’t help you. She had the opportunity to continue perpetuating the toxic treatment of women in her industry by accepting a pay off and continuing to be a star, but she said fuck that, beat the shit out of a dude, and left town. Sacrificed literally her entire career for the sake of not becoming subservient to that shit. I personally applaud her, young women everywhere should look up to Nomi Malone, even! Yep, I SAID IT!

The fact that the deeper meaning of this film is blatantly obvious leads me to conclude that all these silly little complaints are due to a larger societal problem that has been plaguing western civilization since the ’90s — The unjustifiable war on fun. Why can’t we just enjoy things? Why does everything have to be some pompous, artsy-fartsy bullshit to be deserving of praise?

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Many folks agree that this film literally killed Elizabeth Berkley’s career. Hell, word is she doesn’t even like acknowledging it. So I just wanna say, on the off chance that this silly, rage-fuelled rant ends up being read by the queen herself… Elizabeth, be proud. My life would not be as pleasant had I never witnessed the undeniable cinematic perfection that is Showgirls, and for that I’m forever in your debt.

Written by Breanna Whipple