You’ve done it again, haven’t you? Despite Halloween being your favourite day of the year, you’ve left your costume to the very last minute. I won’t shame you for it, believe me – I completely understand. Given my frequent procrastination, I’ve become accustomed to throwing a last minute costume together. Y’all know I’m a friendly bitch, so I’ve decided to utilize my talents and compile a little list of easy, film-related DIY costumes for all y’all horror fiends out there.
BOB (Bitch, we know it is actually Michael Myers) – HALLOWEEN (1978)
This one is very low effort, very easy! All you’ll need is a white bed sheet and some wire rimmed glasses. Breathing heavy and refusing to speak throughout the evening is also ideal.
JASON VOORHEES – FRIDAY THE 13th PART II (1981)
We all know and love Jason, and the hockey mask is undeniably a look – but bitch, you gotta be different! Grab yourself a burlap sack, some rope (don’t tie it too tight!), and a plaid shirt – voila! You’re pre-hockey-finesse Jason now!
CESARE – THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI (1920)
A deep cut, we love to see it! If you want to take more of a pretentious route, try Cesare from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari! All you’ll need is a black turtleneck (scratchy and terrible, but this is what you’ve chosen), a ratty black bob wig, paint your face white, then smear black shit all over your eyes and mouth like you’re Robert Smith! I highly recommend not going method with this, you don’t want to be carrying out murders for another dude, do you? This ain’t the Manson Family!
CARRIE WHITE – CARRIE (1976)
For a lazy version of our favourite plasma-soaked prom queen, all you’ll need is a cheap gown (thrift stores are your friend here), and a metric fuck-tonne of fake blood. Find people that are willing to laugh at you in a shaming manner all evening as an added bonus.
THE KILLER – ALICE, SWEET ALICE (1976)
I left the name out as to not spoil this film, but oh my god y’all, you’ve had over four decades to see this movie! All you’ll need is a yellow raincoat (tighten that hood up, baby!) and one of those creepy ass translucent masks with all the makeup on ’em. They sell ’em at pretty much every Halloween store, and they’re cheap! Just like this costume!
UNCLE FESTER – THE ADDAMS FAMILY (1964)
Ashy gray top, bald cap, light bulb, smudged eyeshadow. Let’s fucking go!
SUTTER CANE READER – IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1994)
This is a costume where you can really let your own personal style shine! All you need to do is irritate the skin on your face, and run around asking people if they read Sutter Cane. The more unhinged, the better. Abusing substances helps, though not encouraged. Safety first, y’all!
JUDY – SLEEPAWAY CAMP (1983)
You’re in luck because hair scrunchies are back in style! Grab one of ’em, tye your hair in an obnoxious side-pony, and be an absolute bitch to everyone you encounter all evening. Oh, don’t forget the shirt with your name written on it! Don’t want people thinking you aren’t in costume, after all.
FRANKLIN – THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)
We all love Leatherface, but we’ve seen that costume so many times! Be more creative, be Franklin. All you need is a wheelchair, a curly wig, and to be insufferably annoying all evening. If you don’t get kicked out of every Halloween party you attend, know that I’m very disappointed in you.
ME!
If you really want to confuse your friends, be a niche freelance journalist – be me! All you need is a KISS shirt (sleeves cut off, I ain’t no poser!), a blonde wig (make it ratty!), a denim jacket that has never been washed, and a bottle of Malibu (drink the entire thing to achieve desired effect). Also tell everyone you quit smoking cigarettes and then immediately bum one after one drink.
Welp, there ya have it! If this list helped you at all, let me know. Send me pictures of your costumes on Twitter, a bitch loves to see it! Have fun, be safe, and have the happiest Halloween everyone!
Gonna have to go as Judy. It’s the best one.