It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Which means my partner in spooky crime is back with another round of seasonal cocktails. Get ’em in ya!
Continue readingSATANIC PANIC ’87 / SEPARATION / SNAKE DICK Reviews [Salem Horror Fest]
SATANIC PANIC ’87 (2019)
Written & Directed by Bryan M. Ferguson
Starring Emma Burke, Yoshie Camobell, & Amy Clydesdale
Country: UK
This should come as no surprise given that my entire brand is built on heavy metal and horror flicks, but I’m a sucker for the whole Satanic Panic movement that occurred in the 1980s. Parents thought heavy metal was turning their precious little tater-tots into devil worshipping, homicidal maniacs which is exactly the kinda shit Satanic Panic ’87 taps into. In brief summation, two headbanging teens end up carrying out evil rituals spewed forth to them from a cheeseball, ’80s aerobics tape and it is absolutely unreal. Animal sacrifice leads to human sacrifice, and boy, does shit get weird! This truly is one of the best shorts I’ve seen to date – I wish it was a full-length feature! Rad, unique concept carried out flawlessly and aesthetically enticing. I lapped this shit up like a dog on a hot summer’s day. Bravo, man. Bravo.
SEPARATION (2020)
Written by David Ian McKendry & Rebekah McKendry
Directed by Rebekah McKendry
Starring Austin Highsmith & Justin Benson
Country: USA
I don’t need to tell y’all that 2020 has been difficult for each and every one of us. Even aside from the virus, we’re seeing relapses occur at a higher rate, mental health deteriorating, and lastly, a fuck-ton of marriages falling apart. As you’ve might’ve guessed, that is exactly what Separation is about – How shitty and painful it is when things fall apart with the person you love. After Mark (Justin Benson) passes on a strange illness to Liz (Austin Highsmith), the two are brought closer together… initially by choice, later by something so horrifying I nearly spat my food out. Why haven’t I learned that one should not consume proteins while watching horror? Separation is pure claustrophobic body horror, and it hits hard for only being six minutes long. Also, I don’t know if y’all are familiar with Trypophobia, but it is the fear/disgust by closely packed holes – Yeah… y’all will get a dose of it here. I shudder at the thought. Fantastic filmmaking, made my damn toes curl which ain’t an easy feat!
SNAKE DICK (2020)
Written & Directed by David Mahmoudieh
Starring Poppy Drayton, Micah Fitzgerald, & Ross Francis
Country: USA
When y’all see a title like Snake Dick, it undeniably grabs your attention. I had to know what the hell it meant, and boy… She is something else! After being harassed by two drunkards at a neon lit gas station, Jill and Julia take matters into their own hands. After a sequence akin to the infamous ‘squeal like a pig’ bit from Deliverance (1972), we learn exactly what the hell a snake dick is. This’ll be staying in my brain for a long while, I tell ya what! Beautiful, strange, and beyond peculiar.
Catch all three aforementioned shorts alongside a slew of others at https://www.salemhorror.com/
HEAVY HORROR-WEEN: 31 Days of Alice Cooper
A wise man once suggested that he was the sole owner of Halloween, and given the fact that that man was Alice Cooper, who could possibly argue? There are several bangers us denim clad rockers can depend on once October hits – I’m the first to pop off about how hard goth shit slaps, but at the end of the day, Alice unquestionably holds the throne. That being said, I’ve decided to take my embarrassingly thorough knowledge of the real Prince of Darkness’ (sorry, Ozzy) discography and piece together a playlist of 31 spooky tracks to accompany y’all throughout the most wonderful time of the year.
Continue readingUNCLE PECKERHEAD (2020): Horror Comedy Gold
It should come as no surprise that I’m a fan of rock and roll horror flicks – It is literally the name of my brand. Though I’m a true blue headbanger through and through, I got a big ol’ soft spot in my heart for punk flicks. Given this bit of information, it becomes a bit of a no-brainer why I had to jump on the opportunity to review Uncle Peckerhead (2020), a bizarre, punk-centric horror flick hot off the press.
Continue readingTHE MORTUARY COLLECTION (2019) [Fantasia Review]
Pardon my language, but I’m a complete and total slut for a good horror anthology. My short attention span lives for a film sliced into an array of digestible little pieces. They’re a bit of a safer bet, too – Even when one is a bit of a flop, typically there’ll be at least a single story that makes the whole experience worthwhile. I felt this way about Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019). Don’t get me wrong, I dug the hell outta that movie, it just was imperfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah… Perfection is largely unattainable, which makes the fact that The Mortuary Collection managed to achieve it all the more impressive.
Continue readingTHE COLUMNIST (2020) [Fantasia Review]
One of my favourite films of all time is Joel Schumacher’s Falling Down (1993). I’ve often joked that I’m destined to become Michael Douglas in that film, however the stressors that will lead to me inevitably snapping are vastly different. He had familial troubles, whereas I’m just a young, female journalist that deals with assholes from time to time. That being said, I’m definitely not alone in these grievances – Fact of the matter is, us lady writers typically get harassed at higher volumes than our male counterparts. The creative minds behind The Columnist (2020) took this fact and spun it into something satisfying albeit grisly and horrifying.
Continue readingFRIED BARRY (2020) [Fantasia Review]
There’s something to be said about films so bizarre that I struggle to find an appropriate place to kick off my review. Such is the case with Fried Barry, a flick about a drug addicted dude named Barry (Gary Green) that gets abducted by aliens after a particularly excessive bender. After getting probed in an exorbitant amount of unmentionable places, Barry takes the backseat as aliens take control of his body and ravage the streets of Cape Town.
Continue readingTHE OAK ROOM (2020) [Fantasia Review]
Humans have been exchanging stories as a primary form of entertainment since the dawn of history, which is pretty wild when you think about it. I find it fascinating that our species has always taken to entertaining one another with outlandish tales regarding just about everything. It is one of the few things that hasn’t changed much, if you ask me. I mean, after all what are movies? Moving pictures that tell a story. It is just so commonplace that we hardly ever even think about it, y’know? Then a flick like The Oak Room comes along and brings it all into question. Storytelling is perhaps the most valuable skill out there, and this film masters it in an incredibly meta way.
Continue readingPVT CHAT (2020) [Fantasia Review]
“How much do I have to tip you to get you to drop the act a little bit and talk to me?” The desperate plea stemming from loneliness escape the lips of Jack (Peter Vack), bargaining with Scarlet (Julia Fox), the latex-clad dominatrix currently occupying his computer screen. What had begun as a simple form of virtual sexual sadism quickly blossoms into obsession for him. He becomes thoroughly convinced that he is in love with Scarlet, that they’re meant to be together. As anyone with internet access surely knows by now, people aren’t always who they appear to be online.
Continue readingSURVIVAL SKILLS (2020) [Fantasia Review]
Have you ever wondered what The Truman Show (1998) would have been like had David Lynch been the creative force behind it? I’m entirely convinced that it’d be something strikingly similar to Survival Skills (2020) – A unique and jarring cinematic concoction that blurs the lines between simulation and reality.
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