Y’all know the saying ‘imitation is the most sincere form of flattery’? Well, my buddy Uncle TNUC better be flattered as shit because his latest collection of summer bangers inspired me to compile a list of my own. Yeah, yeah, yeah – I pumped out a list of metal albums that make a bitch wanna bust out the Coppertone, but I wanted to put something together for those of y’all that may not dig the heavier tunes. Less Budweiser, more Malibu Rum – Ya dig?

HEARTBEAT – DON JOHNSON

Y’all know how Alice Cooper is the king of Halloween? Don Johnson is the king of summertime, declaring it now. Miami Vice popularized a concoction of hard-hitting synth tunes accompanied by sleek sports cars, neon, and well-dressed babes. Y’all may be wondering how it could possibly get even better than that. How about Sonny Crockett himself singin’ some shit? Sign me the fuck up, y’all. Chorus is massive. Voice of a beautiful, tanned angel. Pure night rock at its finest, y’all.

ANGEL OF THE CITY – ROBERT TEPPER

Man, you can always count on a Sly Stallone flick to serve up a solid soundtrack. Pluckin’ this from Cobra (1986), Robert Tepper just knows how to pump out some serious montage music. More night rock right here, this is literally what a skyline would sound like if you could transfer mediums. That make sense? Whatever, doesn’t have to. Just crank this shit. Chain smoke. Shoot guns. Do what you need to do!

DOMINOES – ROBBIE NEVIL

Fuck, ’86 was evidently a good year for tunes. First time I heard this song I fully wanted to kick my own ass for having not heard it sooner. Hook after hook, man. Some of the best vocals, too. How the fuck isn’t this a heavily rotated throwback hit?? I’ll never understand.

NAUGHTY NAUGHTY – JOHN PARR

This song in a word – SEXUAL. Pure mullet rock. The moment you throw this shit on it’ll transport you to a dive bar filled with cigarette smoke. The scent of stale beer will assault your nostrils. You’re wearing denim so tight you can hardly breathe. Life is good.

(WE DANCE) SO CLOSE TO THE FIRE – THOMAS FARAGHER

Another gem plucked from a Sly Stallone film, would ya take a look at that! I don’t hide the fact that I love the shit out of Staying Alive (1983), and this song is likely the hardest hitting from a truly impeccable soundtrack. Makes a bitch wanna bust out some aerobics, man.

SOULS – RICK SPRINGFIELD

Narrowing this shit down to a single Rick Springfield track was more challenging than I’d care to admit. The build up to the chorus here is just… explosive. Y’all ever notice how he is always heartbroken?? Him and Don Dokken should hangout. Anyway, RICK RULES!

LOST IN THE SHADOWS – LOU GRAMM

Gotta finish off here with a bang – Probably the best night rock song of all time. Yeah, I said it. Get a bunch of hot ass long haired folks and ride motorcycles by the boardwalk. Jump off a train bridge. Drink blood. Eat worms. You just do you, man.

If y’all dug this list, feel free to get ‘er going on Spotify: